Can't Sleep

Ugh, class at 10 tomorrow. I have presentation due tomorrow which I'm presenting. I hate my group members. I had to finish putting together the PP presentation, I had to write the outline, and I had to fix the information they gave. I almost want to say fuck it make someone else present.

Today would not be a good day to try an quit smoking.

Life is good

That potentially bad news turned out to be benign(no it wasn't cancer).

Fuck yea.

Looking back it's kinda funny, all the shit that happened.

I guess jumping to conclusions really does get you no where.

Physics class is f=ma boring

I feel as if this entire lecture block is pointless. The man reads off his lecture notes from online, and sometimes he doesn't even do his own problem(which are completely solved in his notes) correctly. The only saving grace of this course is that my recitation professor is awesome.

Getting back in touch

Last night was good, beyond good it was fantastic. It's been awhile since I last partied, and had some fun, I really needed it. It's good to see that the sig house is still standing, and that my brothers are still awesome. J was with me, he had a good time too(passing out on a couch). I need to start being around them more often, good energy coming from those guys, my bros.

Chapter Closed

Tomorrow will be the beginning of a new chapter, where I focus on improving myself for myself. Looking back my kindness in the end may have been mistaken for weakness. I refuse to deal with the situation anymore as it has interrupted two lives enough as it is already. Now is for healing.

I had my mental breakdown today, it was a long time coming(relatively). I was amazed how composed I had been for such awhile. I cried, I cried hard and long. I cried until I got a migraine and become physically ill. I had tried to see things from the other perspective, and I understood there was pain. I tried to prostrate myself in front of those who hate me, simply turn my cheek, but I guess to them I am not even worth a second anymore.

I do believe in the penguins, and I hope that eventually two certain penguins can be together forever. Like you said now is just no longer the right time.


I marked this date 5 years from now on my calender, and I will never forget 9/26/07. The day the truth turned my world upside down.

Oh god give me the strength to move on for myself and please give her a happy life with or without me, because even now I believe she deserves it more than most people on this earth.

What to say?

Today was a bad day, possibly one of the worst I can think of in recent memory. It's funny how life has a tendency not to work out the way you want. As of right now my relationship is but shredded tatters, of what it was. I don't know what will happen, I don't know what should happen, but I know what I want to happen. Right now I need to take my time and return to my roots. Focus on my school work, and get back in touch with those who have stuck by me.

I'm not depressed, refuse to be. I am sad, as I am not a cold hearted monster. I realize life goes on. I must put the past behind me, and as many of my friend have said I must focus on learning for my future. Not just educationally, in moral fortitude as well.

I realize that the situation is my destiny, everything that has happened has been do to my actions or lack of actions. I truly regret with my entire being for the pain I've caused, but at the same time my soul feels like it has be torn into a thousand pieces and scattered.

Also today I linked my blog to my facebook profile, I doubt anyone will read what I have to say, but it matters not to me. This remains my place to put my thoughts down for reflection.

As much as I want things to be the way they were when things were good, I don't know if they ever will or can be. I miss her but I think the best thing I can do right now is let go for both our sakes.

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were."

I take this quote to heart, as I believe it has an important message, that no one is worth loving if they will not love you back.

"Do the impossible, see the invisible"

I don't know if there is anything left to say. I feel as if though this has been ranting, it feels quite therapeutic however.

I know I'm young, and that there are more fish in the sea. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me, and I feel that's the advice I would offer to myself in this situation. Though being on the receiving end of such sentiments. While good natured, seem so cliche when you're the one hurting. I guess everyone feels like this at one point. I guess people say it though because there is a certain truth it.

I am not the same man I was a year ago, and I will probably a different man 5 years from now. All I can do is stick to what I know to be right, and let life pull me along in it's current, occasionally swimming against it to fight for what i know is right.

Shit Happens

I haven't posted in a few days. I got some news, that could potential change my life. I feel despair, anxiety, and anger, while at the same time I don't want to talk about it. It feels like I'm being punished for something I didn't do. Just as things are looking up in my life wham this shit comes down.

I keep telling myself that I can get through it, and no matter what life goes on. I've always tried to live with idea that the next day will always come, and it will. I've sulked for too long, I'm done with it.

The only thing I worry about now is why I haven't heard form my girlfriend in several days. I really don't know what to think. We said that everything would be ok, that we would face whatever came together. It's not that I don't have faith in her, it's that I worry what her parents(who control her life) will make her do.

I just hope she realizes that what I truly want is for her to be happy. With or without me it doesn't matter. She deserves the best. I wish I had told her these words before this, but who has the foresight to see their own life's short coming.

All that's left is for me to pick up the peices and move on. I have no regrets, the past is the past. I have only to look forward to the future and make my own way.

T_T

Aside from that Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, ended this weekend. The series came to be everything I'd wanted for in a show for along time. Gainax did a wonderful job, and I hope they continue down this path.

I also found time during my moping to watch The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya which turned out to be rather enjoyable and totally not what I had expected.